New Year, New Fear

U.S. News blogger, Nancy Shute in her post "How to Stop Teens From Drinking and Driving" says, "Yanking teenagers' driver's licenses if they're caught using a fake ID to buy alcohol may be one of the most useful new tools in reducing the risk of drinking and driving, according to a study of state laws aimed at discouraging teenage drinking. But some of the more high-profile efforts, including penalties for adults who host underage parties and, for teens, graduated driver's licenses that prohibit night driving, didn't appear to do any good."

Wow! Is she suggesting that parents aren't being responsible? You bet she is! And the statistics are there to prove it. Just check with your local authorities and youth coalition and you might find that the numbers are staggering...and so are our children!

Underage drinking and driving has been a concern since the Model T came off the assembly line. But let's look at the more potent combination when you add an ounce of "young love" to the mix and then throw them in the "finished basement" assuming they are safe from drunk driving. Let's not kid ourselves. What they have now is a "safe" place not only to drink freely but to cross the physical boundary lines that were washed away with the first swig. Maybe we kept them from wrapping themselves around a tree, but not around their "friend" from math class.

Let's do the right thing this year and replace drinking and sex with something that is fun, healthy and void of an accident. Here is one alternative...

Organize a group of families to go midnight bowling. You can divide the lanes up by age and separate yourselves to give the teens their space. No alcohol and I bet they aren't daring enough to have sex either. Remember, you don't have to tailgate!

Thoughts?
Lisa j

Bumpy ride

My car has been really giving me grief lately. Granted, it has 144,567 miles on it but I'm sure I have more miles than that and I run just fine!

It's the bumps. The ride just isn't smooth like I expect. Yes, I've changed the shocks, struts, greased up the bearings, checked the axles and even tightened the spare tire below.

Is this how you see you teen and the person they chose to date? Maybe her voice is irritating, maybe the way he chews gets on your nerves. You've tried every angle and nothing has worked from talking in a whisper and hoping it catches on to mentioning the elegant Christmas dinner at Grandma's and how important it is to have good manners.

Nice try. That would be like me suggesting to my car the importance of a smooth ride.

Pointing out the little irritating bumps in your teen's relationship will not make them go away. My car may one day drive me crazy enough to get rid of it, but in the mean time, I'm glad to have dependable wheels (for the most part.)

So what is the lesson in all this? If your teen is dating someone that drives you nuts, limit the amount of time you spend together to shorter stretches and it will be a bit more bearable. The half mile dirt road I live on is far more tolerable than taking my van on the family vacation to the Grand Canyon.

Thoughts?
Lisa J

Carfax

Who ever came up with Carfax was brilliant! What a great way to see if the car you are about to purchase is worth the investment.
You can order a report that shows prior accidents, manufacturers defects, recalls and even a recommendation on whether or not this car is a "top-pick."

Imagine what it would be like to be able to pull a report like that for our teen's relationship choices! What accidents have they caused? Are there any known defects under the hood? What is the reputation of the "parent" company?

Doing the research on the student your teen wants to date may not be as easy as getting an online report, but there are certainly many ways to gather information:
1. Facebook or MySpace
2. Other parent's opinions
3. Google their name

You wouldn't want your child to own a car without getting the facts, why would you want them to date that way?

Thoughts?
Lisa j

Speed Dating

Kalamazoo Weekly has an add in this week for Speed Dating. The ad reads like this, "Come meet someone special. Cupid.com/Predating is fun, no pressure way for busy professionals to meet. It's based on the incredibly hot, new way for singles to meet other singles with no rejection. Recent research shows that the chemistry between two people occurs within the first few minutes of meeting. With Cupid.com/predating you go on up to 12, six- minute dates in one evening. You can quickly determine who you would truly like to hear from again."

Wow. Made me think of what it might be like to take a test drive in a new car with that theory. Here's how it might look -

1. Choose 12 sports cars
   
2. Now you have 6 minutes or less in each vehicle to decide which one is right for you. (yes, that includes any research, facts, history, performance...you get the idea.)
   
3. Pick one based on how you "feel" and put down a deposit.
4. What????

Sorry, still don't buy it. Can't judge a car in 6 minutes, how can I be expected to judge a person that fast.

Thoughts?
Lisa J

Leaving "love" behind

Auto Week is saying that Mitsubishi is pulling out of the Detroit Auto Show.

So many people here in Michigan are pulling up stakes and moving to another part of the country to start over. How do you cope with the move and still help your teen deal with the loss of friends and possibly what they believe is "the love of their life?"

In the stress of a move, it can be very easy to discount or even overlook the importance of lost relationships for your children. Even though you might see this relationship as "one OF a million," your teen might see it as "one IN a million." Help them to transition keep these questions in mind:
1. Are you letting them talk about it without feeling the need to fix, change or negate their emotions?
2. Do you ask open ended questions about the loss instead of telling them what they "need to" or "should" do?
3. Have you allow them to not only grieve the loss but to experience the emotions without judgment?

We may think we know the outcome but we have hindsight, they don't. We might believe there will be another "love" down the road but for them, but today is their reality. What can we do to let them learn from this in their own way, not ours?

Thoughts?
Lisa Jander

Teen Bailout

Today, the Boston Globe had an article about the auto bailout and how desperate the situation has gotten. The article says, "A Senate auto bailout bill unveiled yesterday noted that 355,000 US workers are directly employed by the auto industry, and an additional 4.5 million work in related industries."

Immediately, my mind turned to a host of other "bailouts" we need in this country, in fact in the world: rampant teen pregnancy, underage drinking, high school drop outs... How many teens are in need today? How many are directly affected by the relationship choices they've made and are in desperate need of relief?

While I cannot begin to speculate on how the auto crisis will be resolved, I do know that we can begin today to make a difference in the lives of our children by modeling better choices. If every adult in this country made a commitment to buy a new American made car today - what would the impact be? If every adult in this country chose to mentor a teen in their town today - what would the impact be?

We can contribute everyday to the "teen relief fund."

Road to recovery,

Mama j

Going Steady

Cracker Jacks. Remember those? It wasn't about the sweet caramel corn...no! It was wolfing that stuff down at lightning speed to get to the plastic blue ring at the bottom. And if you were really lucky, some cute boy with his hair plastered down with his moms spit would give you that blue ring and ask you to go steady. What did that mean exactly? It meant that if there were 6 more boxes of Cracker Jacks and 6 more blue rings, he would have 6 new girlfriends by the end of the week with nothing to show for it.
Going steady was like being given a lottery ticket and never even scratching off the silver to see if you won or not. You might think, "So what's the point?" I think the thrill at that age was just knowing you had something that your friends didn't have even if it wasn't worth much.

Now it's your turn...tell me your memory of "going steady" and how that shaped your dating years?

Best answer wins a signed copy of my book, Dater's Ed! The winner will be announced Sunday, October 5th.
***For the Student post contest,
go to the "Student Blog"

WDET Public Radio

Hey gang! Just FYI...Tune into "Detroit Today" on WDET with Craig Fahle on Monday morning September 15, 2008 around 11:00am to hear more about the book, Dater's Ed and the upcoming workshops.

"See" you then!

Lisa Jander

Baby Basket

L.H. from Clarkston, Michigan writes...

"This book should go home from the hospital with every new baby."

Well, you do have a point if you want to get a jump start on student relationships. You never really know when your student might end up "twitterpated."

It does make good sense to get educated ahead of time. After all, we read baby books long before we have to change that first diaper.

Thanks for the tip L.H.!

Start your engines,
Lisa Jander

Last night

For all of you who came to the book signing last night...I am eternally grateful and humbled by the response.

There is nothing more satisfying than sharing your passion and purpose with those you care most about.

From my heart...thank you.

mama j

Book Signing!

Parents, come celebrate with us…
the power of the written word for your student and your family

Now in Print!
“Dater’s Ed:
The Instruction Manual for Parents”
By
Lisa Jander
"Mama j"

New Release and Business Launch
Will commence promptly at
8:30pm
under the stars
with a brief introduction to
Uppercase Living
and
G.P.S. Life Coaching
Followed by desserts and book signing.
(8:00pm - “Doors open for early bird book signing”)
The Jander Homestead, Lake Orion
Tuesday, August 5th, 2008

Bring a blanket or chairs for the lawn
Invite your friends!

R.S.V.P.
to
Lisa@DatersEd.com

The smell of a new book

How ridiculous to sit on inches from the front door sniffing the cover of the newly printed book. After two and a half years of toiling over the words that would race across these pages, it was time to just sit idle for a while and take in the fumes of "hot off the press."

Like a great relationship, I want to take it all in, I couldn't seem to pull my self away from it.

The UPS man is on his way to my humble abode to deliver a new batch. I almost want to put my ear to the ground to see if I can keenly detect his path. Instead, I will wait with fingers perched above these keys until I can finally declare...THEY"RE HERE!!!!

Be still oh my soul!

Dater's Ed - Coming Soon!

Well, the garage door is almost up and I'm revvin' the engines. Dater's Ed on the turbo track.

We are down to the final countdown when this baby will be fully loaded and ready to go on a test drive.

Watch for the new release in a matter of days! The book will be more than just a dream by July 9th, 2008.

What a ride this has been!