Relationship Whiteout

Yesterday it snowed almost six inches in six hours. Cars in ditches everywhere. Freeway frenzy.

The funny part about blizzards is that it seems to bring out the best and the worst in people. On one hand, you have stressed out loved ones urging, pleading, even screaming about the impending doom. On the other hand, you have friends and neighbors leaving the cocoa on the counter to traverse the tundra just to push you out of a ditch.

There will be times in your teen's dating relationship when everything goes white and they end up in a really tough spot completely helpless and dependent on others. So who will they call for help? Who do they have on speed dial that will give them relief not grief? Their parents who will hiss, “We told you not to go out!” Their brother or sister who wants to know “what’s in it for me?”

Here ‘s what I’ve learned. When a teenager's wheels are spinning and they are stuck all alone, they may not remember what got them there in the first place. Was this something your student could have avoided if they had listened to the crowd of people that know them the best? Were you right in your prediction that this kind of thing was bound to happen?

Sure, this can happen to anyone without warning but most of the people I meet in the ditch had plenty of warning from those who could see the storm brewing. They just chose not to listen.

Your teen may choose to call their friends to push them out of the mess they’re in just to avoid the wisdom you might bring along. The question is, next time, will they turn up the volume and listen to the warnings they ignored the last time? Maybe they need snow shoes for Christmas.

Thoughts?
Lisa j

Datejacking

I don't ever remember having to worry about someone wanting to steal my car. It was a 1971 Army green Plymouth Satellite with a custom dirt and rust camouflage pattern. Most people took one look and either laughed or gave me a pitiful look that read "Oh, you poor sweet girl! Driving that piece of junk will really ruin your reputation from which you will never recover."

Even if I had owned a little red convertible, I doubt I would have been worried about carjacking. It just didn't happen back then. We didn't put the roof up much less lock the car doors. Now, you have to "Club" your steering wheel just to drop something in the mail box.

Carjacking is basically stealing something that doesn't belong to you. It is an intentional override of boundaries, morals and good judgment. If you think about it, teen relationships often follow the same thought process. Maybe Josh didn't care that Kristin "belonged" to his best friend. Abby was just waiting for an opportunity to steal Tyler when Jamie wasn't looking.

Carjacking may be terrifying in the moment but as long as you come away unharmed, you are one lucky soul. "Datejacking," on the other hand is often devastating to a teen far beyond filing a police report, especially if they go to school with the perpetrators.

Have you talked to your teens about "datejacking" and what a crime that would be?

Thoughts?
Lisa j

Pothole damage

Does this picture represent what your teen is headed for in their dating relationship?

I talked with a high school student today who had a bit of difficulty with her car after hitting a pothole. I was expecting her to tell me that she got a flat tire but the damage was well beyond repair. It seems she broke the axle and the tire was lying on its side like a boneless chicken. Tough to drive that way, I'm sure.

Teens don't realize how many potholes there are on the road ahead. Isn't that why we sit in the passenger seat and point out the hazards? I'm sure this driver didn't realize how deep this problem would be by looking at the surface. How extreme will the damage be if she catches him looking at another girl? Or what if your son finds out his girlfriend was at the movies with her cousin when she said she was home sick. Maybe, there was a crater-sized lie that was uncovered and the damage is beyond repair.

Potholes in dating might only send your sunglasses flying across the dashboard or on the other hand, cause enough damage to total the relationship. Here's the point; teens have to watch where they're going. From their perspective, the hazard might look like a pretty insignificant flaw. To their date, it might be more than enough to deflate any hope of reconciliation.

It is pretty easy to take a smooth ride for granted until we come to that place along the road that jars every notion of comfort. Teach your teens to be alert and avoid potholes. It can really change the mood.

Thoughts?
Lisa j

Tattoo Taboo

Now, I have nothing against beautiful artwork - even if it is on a human being. Clothing styles, hair styles and even manicures can and are used to reflect individuality. Tattoos can be well done...In my opinion. What I recognize however, is that not everyone likes what I like. We all have different tastes and appreciation for a variety of art forms.

Let's look at tattoos as an example. You can tattoo just about any part of your body with a plethora of images, graphics, colors and shapes. You can permanently represent a family member, a football team, a flower or a gang sign. Regardless of what you choose to display on your skin, others will judge you based on that artwork. It changes who you are. It can't be helped. The problem is, it won't wash off.

So how do we convince our teens that getting a tattoo needs to have a ton of thought behind it. It's not like and ugly green dress that makes you look fat or a haircut that causes people to gasp. Tattoos are permanent. What would happen if you had a practice run instead of the real deal? Maybe a really good fake "mock-up" that could give you a glimpse of the response before it's too late? Take a poll, get a survey, have people anonymously send a note that describes their reaction to your kids new branding.

Frankly, I think this van looks pretty cool and the flames are very professionally done. Would I buy it? No way! Marketability is next to nil.

Thoughts?
Lisa j