Bank of Dad or Money Mommy?

Janet Bodnar, Deputy Editor of Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine recently addressed the new “pre-paid debit card” for kids. In her interview, she explains how easy it is to put money on the card in advance for our teens to have access to funds without carrying cash around.

Whether or not you agree with this concept, an interesting question does come to mind when we, as parents, are extending the privilege of both dating and driving and who foots the bill.

We are a credit culture and many of our kids have grown accustomed to seeing “the card” used at the grocery store, the movie theatre and the pump. What exactly is the message we are sending them when no cash is actually passing through our fingers, let alone theirs?

I remember going out with friends when I was in High School and the dreaded “ask” for money from my parents before bouncing out the door in pigtails clutching my macramé purse. They gave me cash. Cold hard cash. I had worked hard for that money sweeping the garage and doing dishes. These green bills came at a very dear price and once they were gone, I was on my own…until the next chore was done.

Financial responsibility in driving or dating is inevitable. The car will beg for gas. The girl will beg a new dress. The boy will beg for movie tickets. How long is your arm and how deep are your pockets? An even better question might be, “are our teens really grateful for the privilege of driving and dating when the funds are unlimited and there are no strings attached?" Maybe their time with “Chris” isn’t worth the price of a movie ticket…when it’s their own money.

Thoughts?
Lisa j

More then "One Way"

Yep, you warned them. You pointed to the sign and still they made a wrong turn. Now, panic, confusion and hopefully revelation grips them they same way they are gripping the steering wheel. The signs were there, larger than life. “One Way” with a big fat arrow. No mistake, just a touch of arrogance and carelessness that landed your teen in this predicament.

What now? How do you fix this for them – have your child turn around and go back the right way? People stop and stare with a blend of judgment, pity and recognition on their faces – they’ve seen others do the same. They know how your kid got there and with a glance of “I told you so” they watch to see what you will do.

Relationships have rules just like driving. Our teens can ignore the rules with confidence and ignorance because they know a faster, easier or better way to get where they think they want to go only to find themselves facing the masses heading in the other direction. What makes teens think they can break the rules and not end up in a predicament?

Teens want to be creative, different and not follow the traffic of boring people that obey the signs. They do not remember they will have to pay the consequences. Sure, a few of them might get away with it a time or two when no one else is around but eventually, they will end up in a jam. There are rules of the road. What can we do to make sure our students are not going the wrong way down a clearly marked one-way street? Pay attention and don’t grab the wheel. Prevention is far less dramatic than a head-on collision. Help them to be boring.

Thoughts?
Lisa j

Instructor Needed

Imagine...your teen goes to Driver’s Ed and the instructor never leaves his desk, hands your child car keys and says, “I don’t have anything planned for today, do whatever you want.” Would you feel like they are getting the practice, education and exposure they need to be a responsible driver? Why then do parents let their teens walk out the door to go on a date with no agenda, no plan and no idea what they are supposed to be learning?

Segment Two in Driver’s Ed is all about the experience…with supervision. A healthy, fully developed adult brain over the age of 25 is sitting right there in the seat beside the jittery teen making sure their emotions don’t run them into the neighbor’s mailbox. The goal is to expose them to every possible driving scenario with an instructor to equip them for the open road on their own someday. What are the tools we can give our teens to learn to drive or date more intentionally? Is it all in the head knowledge and everything can be taught from a book? Or do we buckle them up and allow them to experience some of the thrills and fears of the actual hours logged?

There is a great quote that sheds light on the pathway to responsibility when it comes to both dating and driving. “If you fail to plan, plan to fail.” These words of wisdom only work when put into action. What plan do you and you student have in place to make their dating exposure have the best possible outcome?

Barrels of Fun

What’s up with perpetual construction on the freeways? Orange barrels dented and thumped from months of standing guard as the watchmen for the never-ending asphalt trucks and busy workers. Don’t they ever rest? Nope.

Freeways are high maintenance – so are some dates. Have you ever noticed how a particular boyfriend or girlfriend seems to be “under construction” for months, even years at a time? What’s up with that? Every few feet there is another blatant warning that you will encounter a slowdown or bottleneck in the flow of your teen's dating relationship. Your find your child exhausted from a constant state of “alert” and white-knuckling for hours on end. You wonder if they have ever realized it’s just not the way the trip was supposed to be. Day after day you hope it will end.

Here’s the good news. There is always another way. Always. Your teen does not have to go down that road. Sure, that was the plan but you don’t have to wait until they have close encounter with rebar and wire mesh protruding from broken concrete before urging them to take the first exit. You can help them pick another route. Really, show them a better way – pull out the scenic maps and glossy brochures that they might not know exist. Don't assume your child knows there's a better, smoother, quieter option. It probably wasn't on the triptick.

Thoughts?
Lisa j