Presents vs. Presence

What in the world do you give a teenager for Christmas! The list is usually a mile long and a million dollars wide. To battle the age of entitlement, I have a tip I'd like to share…

Several years ago, when my kids were 7 and 9, I inadvertently started a new tradition. I had grown tired of the plastic toys and clothing in large boxes under the tree that gave me visions of the utility bill budget heading south for the winter. Games that never made it past New Years and clothing that ended up in a heap on the floor with candy wrappers and school books.

So I made a change. A unilateral decision that changed our lives. I decided to stop giving presents and give presence instead.

The concept is simple, really. I would buy "an event" for the coming year to do with each member of my family. The key is that you have to go with them. This is not just a pair of tickets to something where they can invite a friend to tag along. This is a designated special time that you give as a gift to someone that they can look forward to spending WITH YOU!

We have experienced so many wonderful times together with this new tradition. Ballroom dance lesson with my son, building a set of golf clubs with my daughter, a summer concert, picking apples in the fall. The idea is to fill the tree with the gift of time - things we can all look forward to doing with each other throughout the coming year. We mark each event on a special calendar and look forward to the "gifts' all year long.

So while the "buzz" of Christmas presents has faded away by the first of the year, I will be having bagels on the roof with my daughter in August because she gave me the gift of her presence.

Merry Christmas!

Reflector Reminder

Thump, thump, thump, thump….such a rhythmic reminder. I just love those little reflectors in the middle of the road that let me know I need to pay attention. Small but effective, I seem to snap right out of the trance I am in - instantly aware of how far I have drifted over the line. How many “thumps” does it take for such a gentle nudge to bring me back to reality?

“Cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it out!” Maybe not as gentle but certainly enough to recognize that you have crossed a boundary. Are you constantly teasing her about her laugh? Are you nagging him repeatedly about being on time? Do you feel that little “thump” on the back of your head when you tick someone off? Pay attention! There are people around you that your words and actions have an effect on. It shouldn’t take five or six warnings for you to realize that you have crossed the line.

Here is the question: when you do finally wake up, does your apology come in the form of an immediate correction back to your own lane and a humble hand wave to the other person you offended? Or do you respond with a different kind of hand gesture because someone honked the horn when you ran him off the road? Who’s at fault here?

In the world of relationships…especially dating, the apology comes in the form of sincere recognition that you have stepped over the line and that you won’t do that again. Accept responsibility; be humble and authentic. Let those little reflective “thumps” set you straight once and for all. Otherwise, the next “thump” might be painful.

Thoughts?

Mama j