Presents vs. Presence

What in the world do you give a teenager for Christmas! The list is usually a mile long and a million dollars wide. To battle the age of entitlement, I have a tip I'd like to share…

Several years ago, when my kids were 7 and 9, I inadvertently started a new tradition. I had grown tired of the plastic toys and clothing in large boxes under the tree that gave me visions of the utility bill budget heading south for the winter. Games that never made it past New Years and clothing that ended up in a heap on the floor with candy wrappers and school books.

So I made a change. A unilateral decision that changed our lives. I decided to stop giving presents and give presence instead.

The concept is simple, really. I would buy "an event" for the coming year to do with each member of my family. The key is that you have to go with them. This is not just a pair of tickets to something where they can invite a friend to tag along. This is a designated special time that you give as a gift to someone that they can look forward to spending WITH YOU!

We have experienced so many wonderful times together with this new tradition. Ballroom dance lesson with my son, building a set of golf clubs with my daughter, a summer concert, picking apples in the fall. The idea is to fill the tree with the gift of time - things we can all look forward to doing with each other throughout the coming year. We mark each event on a special calendar and look forward to the "gifts' all year long.

So while the "buzz" of Christmas presents has faded away by the first of the year, I will be having bagels on the roof with my daughter in August because she gave me the gift of her presence.

Merry Christmas!

Start Your Engines!

After an exciting year, we have finally launched the ever-popular book, Dater's Ed, into an online curriculum for parents and teens!

Modeled after the Driver's Ed manual, the course merges teen brain development with cars and driving concepts to keep teens from ending up in the junkyard of broken hearts. Just like Driver's Ed, the course is designed to provide structure and supervision for one purpose: to keep our babies safe.

We don't promote teen dating - our culture does.
We promote a proactive education to avoid the need for a reactive solution.

For a limited time, I'm offering a 7 day trial for only $1.00! Then when you choose to enroll in the full course, you will get half off!

Go ahead! Take a spin! Visit us at http://teendatinglicense.com and let me know what you think!

Safe teen dating does not happen by accident!!!

Hop in! We've moved...

Hey! Thanks for stoppin' by!

In July, 2010 we moved down the road but we are super easy to find and would love to have you over for a visit!
Just click on the "Dater's Ed" link and you will be redirected to our new site where we are picking up speed helping all kinds of people make better dating and relationship choices with our FREE "1-Minute Weekly Tune-up"

http://www.DatersEd.com

See you soon!
Mama j

The Lug-nut Doesn't fall far from the tree

What’s in a name? As in Chrysler? Honda? Ford? Or Smith?

If you are familiar with the name, it probably evoked some sort of response when you read each one: “Chrysler-struggling” “Honda-dependable” “Ford-aggressive” “Smith-self-centered”

See, here is the thing; the “manufacturer” or parents can be a pretty good indicator of what they put out “on the showroom floor.” There is a reason you steer clear of the Toyota Dealership and would have no trouble taking a closer look at a BMW. There is a lot to be said for a name. Chrysler is the manufacturer; Sebring is the model.

Let me drive it home...Josh is the model and Smith is the manufacturer. Josh has parents that had a reputation long before he fell from the family tree.

The point is, when you buy a car, you put some consideration into who made that particular model. You don’t just discount the manufacturer.

The same goes for dating. How will you research the background of those who “made” Josh who he is today? How do find evidence of self-control, dependability, good decision-making and compassion? Are those options or standard features that come with every model?

Next time you meet someone, put a bit of time into finding out who produced this hot-rod. You might find the lug-nut doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Thoughts?
Mama j
http://www.DatersEd.com

Reflector Reminder

Thump, thump, thump, thump….such a rhythmic reminder. I just love those little reflectors in the middle of the road that let me know I need to pay attention. Small but effective, I seem to snap right out of the trance I am in - instantly aware of how far I have drifted over the line. How many “thumps” does it take for such a gentle nudge to bring me back to reality?

“Cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it out!” Maybe not as gentle but certainly enough to recognize that you have crossed a boundary. Are you constantly teasing her about her laugh? Are you nagging him repeatedly about being on time? Do you feel that little “thump” on the back of your head when you tick someone off? Pay attention! There are people around you that your words and actions have an effect on. It shouldn’t take five or six warnings for you to realize that you have crossed the line.

Here is the question: when you do finally wake up, does your apology come in the form of an immediate correction back to your own lane and a humble hand wave to the other person you offended? Or do you respond with a different kind of hand gesture because someone honked the horn when you ran him off the road? Who’s at fault here?

In the world of relationships…especially dating, the apology comes in the form of sincere recognition that you have stepped over the line and that you won’t do that again. Accept responsibility; be humble and authentic. Let those little reflective “thumps” set you straight once and for all. Otherwise, the next “thump” might be painful.

Thoughts?

Mama j

Dating Curves

Ortega Highway – one of the most beautiful roads in North America and one of the most dangerous. The 25-mile drive over the mountain pass has breathing taking views followed by some of the most treacherous curves I’ve ever experienced.
No matter how often I drive this splendid piece of pavement, I will never be able to predict what is on the other side of that curve. Yesterday, it was another victim.
I hear it all the time, “I should have seen it coming.” No, I’m not talking about the unexpected circular bend in the road but a devastating curve in a relationship: an affair.
We get complacent and relaxed after we travel down the same road day in and day out assuming we know all the curves that could prove to be hazardous. We think we know every inch of the road and feel confident we can handle it. Then one day, the curve throws you…another curve, something or someone you never saw coming.
The fact is all the signs were there, plenty of advanced warning wearing neon yellow. How did you miss this? Friends and family warned you over and over but still you were clueless as you came around the corner of clarity. Too late to choose another more predictable route. Too late to prepare for what was around the bend. Too late to slam on the brakes and save your relationship from certain death.
Here is what I have learned – the curves will always be a threat. You can’t remove them on the road of relationships. You can however pay attention to the signs and recognize that some roads are much safer than other. Roads lined with self-control and integrity, not roads lined with self-satisfaction and deceit.
How often does the scenic route become the path of despair? Is there a relationship route that will guarantee faithfulness? Maybe the best we can do is to map out our journey and see if there might be a straight road to travel with a little less excitement perhaps but a better chance of survival.
Thoughts?
Lisa j

Black Ice Dating

I hope she makes it home safely. It’s snowing and the roads are covered with ice. She isn’t a very experienced driver at 17 but I still let her journey out into the tundra praying she wouldn’t hit a sheet of black ice that looks like dry pavement.

Did I tell her how to respond to a skid? Should she turn the wheel with the skid or against it? Was this covered in Driver’s Ed or is it simply “learn as you go?”

How does a parent teach their teen everything there is to know about driving conditions and dating relationships? Both roads lead to hazardous situations that we can’t predict. Both driving and dating can go from safe to scary in 47 seconds flat. Will my daughter be able to use her head to avoid disaster or will she be frozen with fear. Will my son recognize that he is accelerating at a dangerous speed and know to slow down?

Just because we aren’t sitting in the seat beside them doesn’t mean we stop instructing our teens on driving conditions. How often then should we be addressing the manner in which our teens are handling their relationships?

My daughter may have passed Driver’s Ed but every day is another test. Maybe I have drilled “cautious dating” into her head a thousand times but every day will be a new opportunity for her to get that right or wrong.

Weather and traffic conditions prompt us to remind our teens to be safe on the roads every single day. How often do we evaluate our teen’s relationship safety and recognize that dry pavement could be black ice? Does your teen know how to avoid a catastrophic skid?

Thoughts,

Lisa j