Too Good to be True

My husband and I went to a lovely wedding last week. Over 200 people dancing and celebrating the beginning of what we all hope will be a beautiful marriage. The food would have made Martha Stewart proud and the music kept my toes tappin’ in my “too-tight-wedding-only” shoes.

At one point the DJ asked all married couples to please make their way past the dessert table to the dance floor. As the couples young and old began to slow dance, the DJ would intermittently ask each pair to leave the floor if they had been married less than one year, two years, five years…you get the idea.

Each year was like a mile marker than flashed through my mind as a representation of how far we had come. Settling into year one, just getting comfy. Year three, a bump (called a baby boy) was a bit of a surprise but did not take us off course. Year seven marked the beginning of some restlessness and cloudy days. Year eleven, refreshed and working together to get where we want to go.

When I decided to take this relationship journey with my husband, we took a road and a route unique to use. We would have good days, bad days and all those in between but without those many miles, we would not be where we are to today – well seasoned travel companions.

The twenty-one years we have been together are counted in years not months. As important as the first months were to find compatibility, they are not the measurement of how far we have come.

When teens meet their “dream date” and start planning a wedding after six weeks, I respond with the wisdom that I have gained on this relationship journey. “It’s not too GOOD to be true, it’s too SOON to be true.”

Let me know when you get to mile marker #53.

Thoughts?
Lisa j

Ding in the Door

Where do you park a brand new car at the mall to keep it from the inevitable scratch? Park with the rest of us that have realized out vehicles don't drive well when they are bubble-wrapped.

Cars can't be insulated from dents and dings and neither can teens. Where they are parked will certainly decrease the chances of harm but some blemishes will just happen over time. Your teen might miss the exit at a party with alcohol. Your son might end up in reverse in math class. Your daughter might park a bit too close to a dangerous situation.

How do you react to a new-found-flaw on your vehicle or in your teen? Let's take a slow, calm evaluation of the damage and then decide if there is a lesson to be learned. All mistakes are not created equal and accidents happen.

Trying to avoid every imperfection will be virtually impossible to take control of and just drive you crazy. We can't lock up our teens in the garage like a classic gem. We might love them like they are more precious than a vintage Corvette convertible but for goodness sake - teens can't be on the road to greatness if we don't let them safely back down the driveway.

Teens will get a ding in the door. Is it worth the rage or would a composed conversation be a better solution to keep them from ending up in that tight spot again?

Thoughts?
Lisa j
www.DatersEd.com

Blinker Stinker

So I’m heading to the grocery store four short miles away and I end up behind what I call a “Blinker Stinker,” a person that does not believe in using their turn signal.

Blinker Stinkers have a communication issue; their bad road manners are probably second only to their unwillingness to share useful information. Using a turn signal is not as much for your benefit as for the benefit of those following you. Isn’t it nice to let someone else in on the secret of where you are headed? If you want to change direction, fine, that’s your prerogative. When you are in your car, you have the choice to let the rest of the drivers know where you are going by the simple flip of a switch.

In teen dating, the switch is right next to the lip. Teens don’t always communicate. Will she tell him she made other plans for Saturday night? Did he tell her he is taking his best friend to the concert instead of her? Courtesy means giving someone plenty of notice, the sooner the better! Some teens simply slam on the brakes and head west with no warning – that’s rude, disrespectful and can be very painful.

Blinker Stinkers are typically either self-centered or clueless, neither of which would look good on a dating resume. Is your teen a Blinker Stinker?

Thoughts?
Lisa j

Possession Obsession

Bucket of suds and an over-sized sponge – what a way to spend Father’s Day – washing and waxing your most prized possession. Have you ever been curious about people who obsess over their cars? What drives them to spit-polish the mirror every time they go for a spin. Or spend 2 hours with an Oral B toothbrush cleaning the rims.

Makes you wonder how they would be on a date with your teen. What if your child had a piece of spring leaf lettuce stuck in his teeth at lunch? Or the sweater she was wearing was hanging slightly crooked? I can just envision an uninvited adjustment to make all things perfect…at least visually.

When a person is fixated on the condition of something, is it possible to ever relax enough to simply enjoy the “something?”

Maybe before our teens venture into a relationship with another individual, it would be a good idea for them to pull up a chair in the driveway and watch this potential date wash their car before your chils ends up as the object of "possession obsession."

Thoughts?
Lisa j

Teens Under Insured

Have you looked at the bill for your teen’s car insurance lately? Every month, I like to rip the bill open with thrilling expectation in the hopes that my insurance company is going to throw in cruise tickets with the premium. Nope.

Is there any doubt why teen insurance is two and a half times that of their parents? Reckless abandon with a splash of false immortality – that’s how they drive.

So here’s a question for you, how many opportunities does your teen have in a week to crack the windshield, hit a mailbox or worse, get in a car accident? Plenty, right? Then how much more likely is it that they have a “relationship accident?” Think about the opportunity teens have every day to make a “wrong turn” when it comes to the opposite sex. What would you be willing to pay for “dating insurance” to give you the peace of mind that your little darling is not going to be in a relationship wreck this month?

Hey, maybe I’m onto something! A new business idea; I can sell “dating insurance” to cover all the hazards of teen dating. The coverage could include everything from failing grades to excessive cell phone bills. It would be comprehensive coverage that insured migraines, dating under the influence, pregnancy, harassment and even time off from school for “repair and restoration.”

The best part? I would throw in a “loaner date” when the one your teen invested in breaks down and isn’t going anywhere.

Thoughts?
Lisa j

Give Them a Brake!

“That should solve your braking problem, ma’am,” as he handed me a bill for $260 bucks. I paid the bill and wondered if this would be a permanent fix – yea, right.

Last week, I almost rear-ended another car when my brakes failed. Apparently, the brake pads need to be changed more than say, once in a lifetime.

So this got me thinking about “brakes” and teen dating. How many times a month, week, day does your teen consciously (or unconsciously) use their brakes in a relationship? Does she stop short of saying what’s on her mind? Keep himself from accepting an invitation to trouble? Bring an unhealthy relationship to a dead stand still?

Here is what I know; it has to be your OWN foot that hits the brake – not the other guy. Your brain sends a message to your body to act on the fact that braking is necessary in that moment. If a teen chooses not to respond to that message, they are apt to regret it. When they fail to use their brakes, the police officer won’t give them a break on the ticket, right? So why do we expect them to get a break when they choose not to brake in a relationship?

After you have been driving for a while, braking is instinctive. Help your teen recognize a safe braking response to the situations that can cause pain – don’t assume that will come naturally- they are new at this.

Thoughts?
Lisa J

Mama j moment