Best Choice

What do you mean you bought us a car?!

Here we stood in the driveway, my sister and I staring and the Army Green (and rust) Plymouth Satellite clunker completely dumbfounded.

That is NOT what we had in mind. How could our dad go so completely wrong in his choice for the perfect car for my sister and me to share? What happened to the red Italian Spider convertible?

I made the same mistake when I chose the “perfect” boy for my daughter to be friends with at school. On the outside, he was clean and well put together. He came from a great “line” and had all the “options” built in: polite, talented, good grades and of course…cute. I knew what she needed; I had parental wisdom.

My daughter wanted nothing to do with him. That was not her first pick (or 247^th pick either for that matter.)

Time would tell. And what it told me is that you can’t force your kids to like something (or someone) no matter how hard you try. Their individual taste is out of my control; I couldn’t make my daughter like scallops, the color pink and especially the friends I had chosen for her. Did I really believe I could make her fall in love with the car I had in mind or date the adorable “boy next door” someday? Not going to happen.

As it turned out, the boy I wanted her to be friends with ended up being, well, scary. My dad’s choice in cars? Ditto.

Maybe the lesson here is that as much as we (parents) THINK we know what our teens need or want without their input instead can prove to be a big mistake. Giving teens the room to choose with guidance, coaching, and a hint of research might just have better results than expected. Don’t choose FOR them, choose WITH them. You could use the help.

Thoughts,

Lisa J.