Full Body Wash Needed

High School Prom was last night. Today, thousands of pictures will be posted on Facebook displaying some of the cleanest, most well dressed teens money can buy. Prom is once a year; it’s a lot of work but the results are astounding. They are so clean and shiny!

I was so inspired, I paid $5.00 for a car wash today. I didn’t know my car was silver! Thought it was brown. Before the bath, the inside looked like I still have toddlers in tow – gum wrappers, one shoe, and a foreign substance that might be worth patenting as “super-glue.”

I like when my car is clean. I like when my friends are clean. Going without a car wash daily when you live on a dirt road is acceptable but I haven’t found a good reason for people to go without bathing every day. Call me a fussy. Call me controlling. But don’t call me if you haven’t showered this week. I’m not interested. Why is it that some teens look like they are waiting until Prom to use shampoo and a little soap.

Remind them that they are making an impression EVERY day, not just on special occasions.

Thoughts?
Lisa j

Smoking Hot

A recent question was submitted on an auto repair website about how to troubleshoot car exhaust smoke.

The reader asked, “My car frequently smokes from the tailpipe; does this mean I need an engine overhaul?”

I don’t know about you, but whenever I see smoke, it usually isn’t a good sign, (unless I’m roasting marshmallows over a bonfire.)

Let’s think about this for a minute. Just imagine heading out to the car lot with your teen to shop for the perfect car. Your teen finds one that in her words is “smokin’ hot” and asks to take it for a test drive. With keys in hand, she hops in and turns on the ignition. She revs the engine a bit and billows of smoke engulf the car. What is her first reaction? Impressed? Deep down in her gut does she have the feeling that maybe there is something wrong here? (Ok, maybe you will know just by the hacking, choking sensation, but does your teen?)

Just the fact that a reader had to ask the question indicates that for the most part, smoke is not a healthy sign – for a car or a date. I agree that it doesn’t necessarily mean a complete overhaul is needed but no question, there is an issue that needs to be addressed.

Call me crazy, but I would bet that most dealerships trying to “sell” a vehicle would make sure that before the car goes out onto the lot, it is smoke-free. Something tells me it would be a much harder sell when the driver has to hold his nose with one hand and frantically wave the smoke away with the other. Not a good first impression…or second for that matter.

Thoughts?
Lisa j

Age Matters

My car had a birthday recently and is now five years old. Sounds young but in “car years” the Olds is more than just obsolete. By advertising “2004” if I decided to get rid of this car, I would be hard pressed to get many “lookers.” Age matters.

I had a birthday recently, too. A friend was commenting on the year we were both born and I responded, “Age doesn’t matter!” Not a true statement.

Let’s be honest. Anyone out there in the adult dating world knows that age is one of the biggest obstacles in marketing yourself. That number will instantly place you in a category that you may or may not choose to be a part of…voluntarily. It’s just the way it is. Try to pass for 30 when you are 50 and chances are you will get a rejection letter or two.

So what do we say when our 17-year-old is head over heels with a 25-year-old? Age doesn’t matter? Do they justify the age gap with a list of reasons why this is a good choice? “She is really young for her age.” He is much more mature that his friends.” “She really doesn’t look that old.”

Let’s try using those lines when we take our teens shopping for a car. “This car is in great shape for being so old.” “ This car has a lot more miles on it than the others I’ve found.” Does your teen want a brand new car but dates a girl that has an odometer reading that spells “vintage?”

It is true that the older we get, the less the age gap will matter in a relationship. The seven-year difference between a 1969 Ford and a 1962 Ford is not as critical as say, a 2009 Ford and a 2002. Would your teen be willing to trade in the new car they got for their 16th birthday for a car that is six years older? Doubt it…age matters.

Thoughts?
Lisa j

Bank of Dad or Money Mommy?

Janet Bodnar, Deputy Editor of Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine recently addressed the new “pre-paid debit card” for kids. In her interview, she explains how easy it is to put money on the card in advance for our teens to have access to funds without carrying cash around.

Whether or not you agree with this concept, an interesting question does come to mind when we, as parents, are extending the privilege of both dating and driving and who foots the bill.

We are a credit culture and many of our kids have grown accustomed to seeing “the card” used at the grocery store, the movie theatre and the pump. What exactly is the message we are sending them when no cash is actually passing through our fingers, let alone theirs?

I remember going out with friends when I was in High School and the dreaded “ask” for money from my parents before bouncing out the door in pigtails clutching my macramé purse. They gave me cash. Cold hard cash. I had worked hard for that money sweeping the garage and doing dishes. These green bills came at a very dear price and once they were gone, I was on my own…until the next chore was done.

Financial responsibility in driving or dating is inevitable. The car will beg for gas. The girl will beg a new dress. The boy will beg for movie tickets. How long is your arm and how deep are your pockets? An even better question might be, “are our teens really grateful for the privilege of driving and dating when the funds are unlimited and there are no strings attached?" Maybe their time with “Chris” isn’t worth the price of a movie ticket…when it’s their own money.

Thoughts?
Lisa j

More then "One Way"

Yep, you warned them. You pointed to the sign and still they made a wrong turn. Now, panic, confusion and hopefully revelation grips them they same way they are gripping the steering wheel. The signs were there, larger than life. “One Way” with a big fat arrow. No mistake, just a touch of arrogance and carelessness that landed your teen in this predicament.

What now? How do you fix this for them – have your child turn around and go back the right way? People stop and stare with a blend of judgment, pity and recognition on their faces – they’ve seen others do the same. They know how your kid got there and with a glance of “I told you so” they watch to see what you will do.

Relationships have rules just like driving. Our teens can ignore the rules with confidence and ignorance because they know a faster, easier or better way to get where they think they want to go only to find themselves facing the masses heading in the other direction. What makes teens think they can break the rules and not end up in a predicament?

Teens want to be creative, different and not follow the traffic of boring people that obey the signs. They do not remember they will have to pay the consequences. Sure, a few of them might get away with it a time or two when no one else is around but eventually, they will end up in a jam. There are rules of the road. What can we do to make sure our students are not going the wrong way down a clearly marked one-way street? Pay attention and don’t grab the wheel. Prevention is far less dramatic than a head-on collision. Help them to be boring.

Thoughts?
Lisa j

Instructor Needed

Imagine...your teen goes to Driver’s Ed and the instructor never leaves his desk, hands your child car keys and says, “I don’t have anything planned for today, do whatever you want.” Would you feel like they are getting the practice, education and exposure they need to be a responsible driver? Why then do parents let their teens walk out the door to go on a date with no agenda, no plan and no idea what they are supposed to be learning?

Segment Two in Driver’s Ed is all about the experience…with supervision. A healthy, fully developed adult brain over the age of 25 is sitting right there in the seat beside the jittery teen making sure their emotions don’t run them into the neighbor’s mailbox. The goal is to expose them to every possible driving scenario with an instructor to equip them for the open road on their own someday. What are the tools we can give our teens to learn to drive or date more intentionally? Is it all in the head knowledge and everything can be taught from a book? Or do we buckle them up and allow them to experience some of the thrills and fears of the actual hours logged?

There is a great quote that sheds light on the pathway to responsibility when it comes to both dating and driving. “If you fail to plan, plan to fail.” These words of wisdom only work when put into action. What plan do you and you student have in place to make their dating exposure have the best possible outcome?

Barrels of Fun

What’s up with perpetual construction on the freeways? Orange barrels dented and thumped from months of standing guard as the watchmen for the never-ending asphalt trucks and busy workers. Don’t they ever rest? Nope.

Freeways are high maintenance – so are some dates. Have you ever noticed how a particular boyfriend or girlfriend seems to be “under construction” for months, even years at a time? What’s up with that? Every few feet there is another blatant warning that you will encounter a slowdown or bottleneck in the flow of your teen's dating relationship. Your find your child exhausted from a constant state of “alert” and white-knuckling for hours on end. You wonder if they have ever realized it’s just not the way the trip was supposed to be. Day after day you hope it will end.

Here’s the good news. There is always another way. Always. Your teen does not have to go down that road. Sure, that was the plan but you don’t have to wait until they have close encounter with rebar and wire mesh protruding from broken concrete before urging them to take the first exit. You can help them pick another route. Really, show them a better way – pull out the scenic maps and glossy brochures that they might not know exist. Don't assume your child knows there's a better, smoother, quieter option. It probably wasn't on the triptick.

Thoughts?
Lisa j